Angels Celebrate Not Being No-Hit | Parade Set for Friday

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Angels Celebrate Not Being No-Hit | Parade Set for Friday

This world is filled with people who have persevered against all odds and have become a notch in American history. Rosa Parks and buses. ALF not eating the family cat. And finally, the Angels against Justin Verlander.

Justin Verlander, a hot young prospect from some American city (probably Florida. IDK, Florida seems like the kind of place a guy named Justin would come from) came out swinging against the Angels. After shutting the team for 8 innings, the team looked at each other and tried to find some shinning hope and glimmer of light as they sent up their last three batters to the plate. That's when Chris Iannetta, veteran southpaw from Italy (maybe. IDK. His name is Italian? Maybe? Is he even a southpaw? Speaking of, that movie Southpaw was kind of alright. I would get it on Redbox.) walked up to the plate with a sense of purpose. And that purpose, was to make Anaheim proud.

Peter Zilla, an accountant in Irvine, was at the local brewery as the event was unfolding. "What's happening?" he murmed as he shifted his Coors Light to the side and fiddled with the paper coaster. "I'm here for the Wednesday night pre-season football game. I really think what the NFL did to Brady was bush leagued". What Chris Iannetta did next, was not bush league at all. 

"As soon as that ball hit that foul line and the chalf dust came up, I know right then and there, a parade was coming."  said Spud McKenzie, a 6th grader from Fountain Valley. Against all odds, Christopher Miles (is that his middle name?) Iannetta lodged a foul line double to the corner of ComMURICA' park. Against all odds, he took down Justin Verlander. The team would go on to lose 5-0 but nothing will stop this team and the city of Anaheim from celebrating this historic feat. 

Anaheim Mayor Tom Tait (Holy shit. Tom Tait? So close to taint. That's hilarious. I can't make that up) says a parade will be set for Friday and will start approx. at 10am and will feature a live tiger walking down Katella. 

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Hello and Welcome to The Rocks

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Hello and Welcome to The Rocks

Hello and Welcome to The Rocks! 

Before I get into the ridiculousness that this blog will become, I just wanted to say a little about myself and who the fuck I am. My name is Ricardo Marquez...and I suffer from erectile dysfunction. 

I don't have erectile dysfunction but I do have an endless love for the Angels, as I'm sure most of you do. I come from a baseball family and it was a pretty much embedded in my head that baseball would eventually ruin my life and any future relationships I would have. While in my prime aka 9, I played Little League and found my way on to the California Angels. Then I went to my first game and was hooked. Saw Chili Davis and instantly knew "Ok this is my team". 

Fast forward a few years and I got into the comedy business. I did stand up and wrote as much stupid shit my brain could process. Eventually, Eric Denton of LAAngelsInsider found my idiotic rants on Twitter and offered me a position to be the satire columnist. I did it and fell in love with it. Some of you started reading my shit and now we're great friends. 

Then the baseball dream happened and I got a dream job in the now defunct MLB Fan Cave. There, I learned how to photoshop, edit videos and just act like a goober around professional players. I even became friends with some. It was awesome. Once that was done, I spent half a season working in MLB PR and got to learn the business side of the game I love. 

I went from super fan to behind the scenes. Not a lot of people can say they've done that.

Now, I'm back in California working for a pretty amazing company and able to attend Angel Games and figured "Shit, might as well start a blog." 

The Rocks is first and foremost a parody site. This is in no way to be taken seriously nor do I plan to ever take this sport too seriously. Did I get upset and curse the heavens when Fireri would choke every time he was on the mound? GOD DAMN RIGHT I DID! Did I shake my head in disbelief when the Angels signed Joe Blanton? I BURNED MY COUCH! I HAVE NO WHERE TO SIT NOW! But I never let the losses & bad contract decisions destroy my life because in the end, baseball is a game. It's not meant to be taken seriously. Much like this site.

The Rocks is going to feature ridiculous blogs, photoshops, a podcast, fake (and maybe in the future real) interviews, videos and everything in between. If you want real analysis and people talking saber metrics or minor league chat, there are PLENTY of other talented/smarter/mature writers than myself. There are no straight total goofball Angels blog and I plan on pinning down that incredibly tiny market. 

So thanks for giving The Rocks a chance and looking forward to turning this into something special. Hopefully I don't buttercup you all. 

Here's to not getting swept in the playoffs

-Ricardo Marquez

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